


High tide brought you in

by wooyoungies



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Beach Towns, Beaches, Falling Out of Love, Heartbreak, Honestly Sadder Than I Wanted, M/M, Summer, Talks About Soulmates, Talks about heartbreak, Temporary Soulmates, Too Many Taylor Swift Songs At 2am, Yeosang Is Mentioned Briefly, talking through things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-19 05:37:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19350577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wooyoungies/pseuds/wooyoungies
Summary: Maybe if Wooyoung plucked hard enough it would create a melody, and while he had always been the maestro maybe it was his turn to be part of the orchestra. He could create a symphony from heartbreak if he wanted. As a person who is doing the heart breaking, do you actually give them the true reason why, because they deserve the truth- or do you lie because they deserve tonothear the truth?orWooyoung breaks up with San.





	High tide brought you in

Wooyoung has to break up with San. 

It really wasn’t a question of “can he?” and “should he?”, nor was it something that needed to be spoken among friends- it _had_ to be done. Like he said, it wasn’t a question. 

Wooyoung was in love with San, he really was. He was in love with the classic things, the newness of the excitement of having a boyfriend, and he was in love with the way he was in love with Choi San. 

That was probably where it went wrong, right?  
Maybe Wooyoung was in love with the thought of being in love and he romanticized the idea of having somebody in a world full of bodies- that had to be the explanation of why he realized that wasn’t actually in love with his boyfriend. His boyfriend who was in love with him. 

Wooyoung thought that if he had to hear the word “love” again he might just kick the nearest door, pull open his pillows, downy feathers everywhere. He might just stop listening to music and taking late night drives because they remind him of- _him_. It was so stupid really. 

He may be breaking up with San, shattering his heart into a million pieces because he can’t seem to get his heart to function and beat properly. Wooyoung wondered if he could hit his chest enough, scare himself enough to get his heart pumping rhythmically like it used to when they had first began. It was kinda cruel of the universe to bring him a soulmate that didn’t fit- which was a contradiction in itself. Wooyoung is well aware of that, thank you. 

San was _perfect_ for him. 

They could talk for hours, makeout on Wooyoung’s bed while the world still turns and explodes, share looks that spoke a thousand words when no one was ever really speaking at all. 

Wooyoung thinks if the world was really this cruel to people like Choi San, he wasn’t sure if he had much faith in anything else. 

“Hi.” 

Wooyoung opened his eyes to see San peeking at him over the ridges and hills of his blanket, his blonde hair fluffy and his eyes were doing that stupid sparkly thing. 

Wooyoung felt guilty for being able to even wake up next to somebody who gave him everything while he had nothing to even show. 

“Good morning.” San said, his finger slipping out sneakily to poke Wooyoung’s cheek. His hands were warm and gentle- 

“Is it really a good morning?” Wooyoung asked, pulling San closer to him and snuggling his face into his boyfriend’s neck while the sun from outside filled the room with something other than the cold. 

San hummed and he let his slender hand trail up Wooyoung’s back, up the nape of his neck and eventually it found home in the roots of his hair. San made him feel grounded to earth, stable and _safe_ while everything wasn’t making sense. Wooyoung and San were just college beach kids who weren’t sure of anything- but each other. 

Well. 

And if Wooyoung wasn’t a sadist for pulling San close to him while he didn’t deserve it...it didn’t sit right with the empty butterfly cage that resided in his stomach. He thinks that the feelings could rattle the nest and nothing would fly out except for some dusty discarded butterfly wings. Wooyoung wondered if he looked at them under his microscope if he could see the trails and patterns of what their past looked like, which, again, was very wrong of him. 

He already felt bad enough. 

San stretched and Wooyoung watched as his white pullover crumpled and twisted over his body, his eyes sleepy and happy. San spoke as he yawned and to anyone else it would have sounded like a garbled mess of strings and staccatos, but Wooyoung didn’t even have to decipher the collision of sounds- he was the orchestrator that knew his players well and it was a symphony that he had grown to know. 

“But ‘m so tired and it’s a great morning, it is the official first day of summer for us. No more classes, homework, 9am classes-” 

“-no more exams done 30 minutes before the deadline.” Wooyoung finished for him, a smile on his face. 

San laughed, his head nodding against the pillow, “Exactly. Well, not for 3 months anyways. We still have 2 years to finish.” 

“ _Please_ don’t remind me, I think I just saw the debt flash before my eyes. And yes, it is a scary number and we might have to sell our organs on the market.” 

“I have bitcoins.” 

Wooyoung looked up a the ceiling fan that was clicking and swirling, “I could afford to lose a kidney.” 

Then he paused and added- ”...Or two.” 

His boyfriend stretched again next to him, his back arching like a cat and Wooyoung found himself fond of the way he clenched his fist and twisted his hips to pull the sleep from his body. 

Did Wooyoung deserve the privilege to be fond? 

“I dunno, you could drop one kidney, I could drop one too, we combine the money, live happily ever after and what-not.” 

Wooyoung hummed a small laugh and closed his eyes. 

_”Live happily ever after and what-not.”_

It was really hard to plan to break someone’s heart after they saw themselves being with you forever. It was like San had lined up all of his glass chess pieces and he had his eye on the king, ready to knock it over with one swoop of his index finger. 

Wooyoung wasn’t wanting to be so casually cruel in the name of being honest. 

 

 

“Do you believe in soulmates?” 

Wooyoung answered without hesitation, “Yes.” 

They were sitting on their boards, the waves of the ocean pushing and pulling them, their bodies nothing but small salt crystals in the snow globe ocean. Wooyoung wondered if someone were to stick their finger on his skin, they would be shocked at the coldness radiating from his dead heart. He liked to think of them in a giant snow globe, dancing round and round, a soft melody playing and twirling with them as they lived in their own little world, their own little village. That was what it felt like at sea with Choi San. 

That was what it felt like to be with Choi San. 

Wooyoung was off his board, his arms and chin resting on the surface of the styrofoam piece and San was sitting on-top of his, his legs dangling on either side. Wooyoung felt his toes brush the sand underneath, just barely grazing and touching. They were far out enough to not have anyone intrude in their conversation, but not too far where they could not hear the children and adults chattering at the shore. 

Wooyoung closed his eyes for a moment, taking in the sounds of the sea and letting the hum of the water soothe him in a state of peace. It was times like these where he thought things could make sense if he tried hard enough. Far out enough in the water to not touch humanity, but to just see them from his snow globe panes. His own personal bubble, his own place of sanity. 

“You answered that pretty fast.” San said, his voice inquisitive- and surprised. 

Wooyoung opened his eyes and San was looking at him with his head tilted ever so slightly and his pink lips were pressed together. 

Wooyoung let his fingers trail the surface of the water and he looked back up at San. 

“What makes you so surprised?” 

San seemed to spend a couple of moments on his answer and he looked over his shoulder at the blinding sun- a seagull squawked in the distance and the sound of a little girl squealing could be heard in their silence. Their silence that felt heavy for a moment. 

Wooyoung awkwardly look at the Velcro straps that were on his wrist to keep his board tethered to him in case of an accident, which happened a lot. He was never steady on his board like San was. 

“Dunno, you seem to believe in true love but you also seem...apprehensive? Is that the word I am looking for?” 

“You tell me.” 

San shifted on his board and he gracefully threw one of his legs up and let the other dangle in the water, his balance perfect from all the years he had spent out on the water. If his golden tan and lean body wasn’t the indicating factor that he was a beach town kid. 

“-Yeah, that is the word I am looking for. It is like you believe that there could be something more for people, something unexplainable that ties one to another person, but I feel like you think it could never happen to you.” 

Wooyoung inwardly cringed- San hit him dead on. 

He wasn’t sure why he lied, it definitely didn’t make things easier for him, because if anything; he was setting San up to think that he believed in their love. 

Wooyoung kept his face clear, “I think it can happen to me.” 

“Do you?” 

Wooyoung shrugged, “Sure, I think everyone is guaranteed a soulmate.” 

Spoiler, Wooyoung doesn’t think that- not romantic soulmates anyways. 

San raised an eyebrow- which was incredibly attractive. 

“Do you think they find it in just one lifetime?” 

Wooyoung dunked his head back into the water to cool himself off, and to think before he answered. 

Wooyoung paused, then answered- Choi San’s eyes on him were intense and unsettling. 

“I think...I think people are given many chances to settle down with certain people and I think sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. Everyone has a soulmate, but not everyone is guaranteed for that person to last forever. Things change, people change, maybe they were soulmates at one point. Can we say that the red string of fate is set for life, or just for the moments they are supposed to be in our life?” 

A rather strong wave came their way, knocking them a bit closer to shore and Wooyoung watched as San seemed to lose his balance for the first time. He quickly regained composure, the salty water dripping down his biceps and down the veins in his forearms...he tried not to stare. 

San thought for a moment, gathering his thoughts and smoothing back his hair. He looked troubled, but he quickly shook it off. 

“I think you’re right.” 

Which honestly, surprised Wooyoung. 

San was the typical dreamy romantic, and he didn’t mean that in a negative way. Wooyoung meant it in as- as San was the type to always be adrift in his mind, his smile so bright and naive, untarnished by the cruel world. He had seen his fair share of shitty things, but he had yet to ever have his heart broken. He was still hopeful and believed that love could be lasting. He wasn’t sure if he could be the one to tell him that love fades like snow that has hit pavement, like snow in a snow globe. 

“You do?” 

It was San’s turn to surprise him, and his turn to rebuttle with the statement, “Sure.” 

He hesitated, then spoke after situating on his board again. Wooyoung still let his body float and his upperbody rest up on the surface, his arms crossed and his chin against his biceps. 

“I see what you mean about timing, people are always talking about ‘when the time comes’ or ‘it will heal with time’ and I _suppose_ they are right.” He stopped, “No, I know they are right. I just think it is a hard thing to think about. To think that the world could be so bitter to rip someone away from you because of fate. Because of differences. What if everything was perfect but that was how the cards were dealt, how they were supposed to unfold?” 

Wooyoung felt a bitter smile rise in his throat, and he swallowed it down- “Because life is cruel and love is everlasting for the few.” 

“And you still believe in soulmates after saying that?” 

Wooyoung nodded, “Sure, I have seen it with my own eyes.” 

San looked at Wooyoung, his eyes bright and curious...Wooyoung knew what was coming. 

“Do _you_ think we are soulmates, Woo?” 

And yeah, they were. 

_Were._

Wooyoung knows they were meant to meet, they were meant to be together in this period of their life, but he now knew that it wasn’t meant to last; some things weren’t meant to last no matter how wonderful they are. It fucking sucked, it wasn’t fair, but whoever said life was meant to be fair? If it were, everyone would be happy. The question ‘do temporary red strings of fate exist’ would not even be thought of and nobody would ever think to ask, because the answer would be so obvious. 

Wooyoung wanted to sink down to the bottom of the ocean. 

He answered San honestly, he really did, because they are soulmates, they are temporarily made for temporary love. Choi San was his soulmate once. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I do.” 

San smiled, his naive eyes bright and warm like the sun that was pouring gold over them and his eyes were shining like the reflection of water on their skin and the ever-so blue sky. 

He couldn’t do anything else but smile back. 

 

 

Wooyoung wondered if he was being dramatic. 

In the beginning he had said that he knew what he _had_ to do and there wasn’t a question about it- because if you were questioning or second guessing, doesn’t that mean you aren’t one hundred percent sure? 

He wasn’t sure anymore. 

He was positive that they had to split, but couldn’t he just stick through, see what happens? That, of course, would be a horrible thing to do to somebody but Wooyoung knows that he hasn’t been sure of anything in his life and why would that start to change now? He wasn’t sure when he went into high school if he liked boys and girls, or just boys. He wasn’t sure if he should sneak out at 1am with San to go boarding, or if he should stay home. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to go to college and leave the town, or if he just wanted to stay and take care of his dad’s business. 

He was not confident in many of these choices but he did things he had to do, so he did them. He took the option that made sense and he took a wild ride and chance with whatever number he rolled, whatever number appeared on the dice that set on the velveted poker table. It was about luck and guess. 

Wooyoung doesn’t think he is very lucky though. 

 

 

He has known San since forever. 

He was someone that was always there, always under his nose and underfoot his entire life. They grew up with the same friends, the small town shit that most people experienced. It was a bit different that two boys fell in love in a small town but many people didn’t seem to mind. Wooyoung thinks that they saw it coming anyways. 

San was in most of his classes, sat at the same lunch table, conversed with the same people, piled in the same car to go to late beach parties. Everything seemed to be the same with them. 

Wooyoung thinks it is kinda funny how they had always known each other, but nothing had ever happened until their senior year of high school. That only builds on Woo’s personal theory that people fall in love during the right time, not the time that they want. 

He wasn’t sure what really shifted in their dynamics or what changed that made it so apparent, but it kinda just _did_. 

Glances that were always a little too long to begin with were only stretched a bit further, touches that were shared in small spaces of cars were permanent- like San’s hand on the back of his neck in Yeosang’s 96’ Toyota Tacoma that lingered, questioning in his eyes. Wooyoung had done nothing more but lean more into it, letting something warm invade his body for the first time- his heart beating faster than usual. If he could play it back he would say that it was the first time he had realized how beautiful Choi San was. 

It wasn’t anything new, Wooyoung realizes now, but Choi San became beautiful in a different way. 

His eyelashes suddenly more swooping and full of waves, his jaw was seaglass that brought good luck and his laugh was a lot like full fog that sat on the shore. Something magnetic, something pretty and new. Although, he had been there the entire time. 

Wooyoung could try to put it into words, but the keyword of his sentence was ‘try’ and he didn’t quite know how to explain how you could hear something in the silence, or see something with the lights out, which were all things that logically did not make any sense. 

It didn’t have to make sense to them, honestly. He knew that San had never dated anyone before- which shocked him because San was like...beautiful. He was bright and had a magnetic charisma that charmed everyone in the path of his chaos. Wooyoung had always thought San was funny and outspoken and fiery- the way he liked them. San made it a mission to be close to everyone in the friend group because that was just the way he liked to be. It was impossible to get rid of someone who left their heart everywhere, especially if you were breaking their heart for them, taking something that they never meant to leave. 

Wooyoung knew that if he went to the local pizza place he would find a piece of San at the front counter with the owner Hongjoong, and if he drove the same back road to the cove he would find a part of his beating heart by the trees and resting in the shade of the caves. They had all walked that path countless times, leaving their mark on things that never mattered before. Now, Wooyoung wishes the tide would pull up hundreds of feet and wash away what was there before. 

He just wanted to wash him away, but it wasn’t going to be that simple. 

If he closed his eyes he could picture the water creeping up the sand slowly, pulling away what Choi San had left behind. The clear blue sea’s tide had brought him in his life like a sweeping force and offering, but the water had pulled him back out again but this time it was darker. The fingers would steadily and thoroughly wash everything away and pull chunks back out to the vast currents so they could be gone forever. The sea was big enough to take things away that another man would never see again, not even in six lifetimes later. Wooyoung didn’t want to break San’s heart again- he almost thought about praying. 

They were losing grip and sinking ships would watch as San’s heart and things floated out at sea passing by the crew. A sailor would jump off the overlook and he would lean over the wooden railing, his white hat being pulled in the East wind. 

Wooyoung pictured him hollering and pointing to the small piece of heart thudding and pulsing in the dark waters- “Look!” he would say, pulling his jacket tighter, “Another man’s heart broken.” The captain would tisk and the crew would situate their hands over their hearts and the would bid it goodbye as the ocean would swallow it whole again, never to be brought back to the surface. 

Wooyoung knew it was a childish imagination and adult realism that conjured the dramatic scenery and imagery, but he couldn’t find himself to care that he was slowly losing his mind over one simple decision. 

It was simple- it had to be, right? 

Maybe, San wouldn’t care that they broke up and he would just nod with his bright smile. “That’s okay, I wasn’t feeling it too. We are better off friends anyways.” 

They would just shrug and continue their day, nothing out of the ordinary and nothing would change. Wooyoung would be free to continue working at the seaside shop and San would be free to come in and grab milkshakes with Yeosang when he felt like it. They might even become closer than they were before they started dating. 

Wooyoung sighed and leaned his seat back in the car and he grabbed his temples with both hands and began to rub soothing circles trying to make his brain clear once more. 

“Are you okay babe?” 

San looked over from the driver’s side quickly but then putting his eyes back on the road. He stretched his arm out and rested it on Wooyoung’s thigh, his eyes flitting to him once more. Wooyoung nodded and managed to garble out a, “I’m fine.” and close his eyes. 

San’s large hand squeezed his thigh and then gave it a firm pat. 

“You seem a little out of it recently, are you stressed about working this summer?” 

Wooyoung shrugged, “No, not really. I am just tired.”  
San scoffed, “If you were going to lie to me it would be better to use a phrase that people don’t use when they are lying, Jung Wooyoung.” 

He heard the giggle in San’s voice- he hated that San didn’t even hate him when he was lying straight through his teeth, and when San fucking knew he was lying. He wasn’t even angry at Wooyoung for it. 

“So,” San continued, flicking on his turning signals and turning into an empty parking lot, his face smug, “What is going on?” 

It was silent as Taylor Swift sang something about hightides and clear blue waters. Wooyoung kept his eyes closed and his fingers on his temple, trying to make sense, really not ready to have this conversation just yet. But when was he ever going to be ready? 

“I am tired.” 

Yeah, San didn’t deserve this. 

This time, San looked worried and he switched off the car in the parking lot. This was the place that most of the teens hung around when they were bored, and it was also where most went to hook up- Wooyoung and San were included in that crowd that did both. In a small beach town like theirs one could only do so much for fun and driving around in the same places grew tiresome. The long drives felt short once you knew the route like the back of your hand and when knew the curves would flash in the dark at the exact second, when Mrs. Baol’s dogs would run out and chase your car’s tires. 

There were only so many makeout spots, so many hangout spots that people loitered around in, and there were only so many people to fall in love with. Perhaps at times Wooyoung found it too suffocating, but San never once seemed bothered by the closing prescense. 

Choi San was perfectly content where he was, and Wooyoung wondered that after he dumped him if he was going to be content with the memories that stuck there. 

Wooyoung also questioned if San could even park in this spot with anyone else ever again, too hurt by the memory of Wooyoung and him fucking in the backseat of his car. 

Maybe San won’t be able to park in the parking lot without remembering Wooyoung nagging him to “Park properly! It doesn’t matter that no one else is here it is _rude_ Choi San.” San wouldn’t park properly just to spite Wooyoung after he left, and he would kiss someone harshly to push away Wooyoung’s gentle kisses that he left on his lips. He would stop taking the long route to the cove because he didn’t wanna see the places that reminded him of someone who wouldn’t love him either way. But, Wooyoung knew San and eventually he would take the long way to remind himself that Wooyoung was just some stupid boy who didn’t deserve San’s tears, and then he would park properly because he is a nice person without having his ex whisper in his ear that he isn’t being good. 

San would tell himself that it’s just some person that didn’t want him and he would gain his life back into control and he wouldn’t spend nights wondering what went wrong, no matter how hard it was to push away because hearts can only handle something like this for so long. San would pull himself up in the mornings and he would still grab his coffee from the gas station next to Wooyoung’s house because now it was just someone he used to know that occupies the space. San wasn’t one for dramatics and Wooyoung knew he would be okay. 

Despite caring for him so much it hurts, despite wanting to leave and stay- he wouldn’t love him either way. 

“What has gotten into you?” San’s voice was a bit harsher this time and Wooyoung didn’t look at him. He focused on the rain that twirled and danced of pretty dreams on the window. He watched as a ballerina lost her footing and waved goodbye as she fell too far down from the others. The other raindrops and ballerinas didn’t even wave their delicate hands back. 

Wooyoung almost did it right then- he almost fucking did. 

“I-” He paused, his heart thudding. He wasn’t sure what he was nervous about. 

“You what?” San was impatient this time, his eyebrow raised- Wooyoung didn’t have to look to know that he was doing that. 

Wooyoung watched another ballerina fall to her death, knocking into the other one, both dipping their bodies backwards over the bar and their silhouettes were shaking from the streetlamp above. 

“I am done.” 

The silence that followed was full, the ballerinas fell all at once as the rain became harder, and Choi San’s tears fell too. With the ballerinas he fell. 

Wooyoung wonders if he saw it coming- San didn’t even ask what he meant by that phrase, and he didn’t ask Wooyoung to elaborate. He just asked one simple question- 

“Why?” 

His tears were silent as they rolled down his face, like his body was in belief but he wasn’t. 

“I can’t lead you on.” 

“ _Lead me on? _”__

__Wooyoung kept staring out the window, but he squeezed his eyes shut tightly cutting off the silhouettes of the dancers and he took a deep breath in. His mind was completely blank and devoid, as he had to do this without breaking down himself._ _

__“I can’t be with you anymore, I don’t have feelings- I mean, I do just n-not like you want me to. I am so fucking sorry San I don’t know why I am feeling this way-”_ _

__“Shut up for a moment.”_ _

__Wooyoung had never heard San snap at him like that, he had only heard San use that voice on his dad...that really wasn’t a good thing. It was his voice reserved for the times he had felt his worst, his angriest. Still, his ‘shut up’ was soft in his voice, but it was sharp and unrelenting like his eyes._ _

__“Sa-”_ _

__“How. How do you just not like someone anymore after years of dating them? How do you just drop somebody, how the fuck do you fall out of love, Wooyoung? Riddle me that, huh? That soulmate bullshit yesterday, was that really how you felt about us? A temporary moment, something fleeting?”_ _

__Wooyoung too finally felt his heart stutter back to life for the first time in a long time, and his eyes were beginning to betray him- _fuck this._ _ _

__“Listen, please, _San_.” San wasn’t looking at him, but when he did turn to face him, Wooyoung could have swore his already broken heart just shattered more. _ _

__That was the thing, nobody ever considers the person that has to do the heartbreaking, do they? Not to say that he wasn’t horrible for breaking up with San the way he did but was there actually a right way to dump somebody because you didn’t love them anymore? As a person who is doing the heart breaking, do you actually give them the true reason why, because they deserve the truth- or do you lie because they deserve to _not_ hear the truth? _ _

__“I am listening.”_ _

__Wooyoung’s mouth felt dry and he cleared his throat, suddenly regretting ripping the bandaid off like this, it really wasn’t the right time, was it?_ _

__“I think-” he paused, and took a deep breath, “I _know_ that I did love you, San. I did have feelings for you and none of it was fake, and it wasn’t ever something that I forced myself to do. I know it sounds like bullshit when I say this, but I really did think the world of you and I really did think that you were something that was important to me. Hell- you still _are_ important to me, and I know it is selfish of me to even want to still be in your life. I get that. Okay? This isn’t a guilt trip for you, I am just being one hundred percent honest.” _ _

__Wooyoung knew he was crying, although he had thought he would be immune to the emotions that threatened him like the riptides in the ocean, and he really thought this would go over smoothly. They say love makes fools of us, but Wooyoung didn’t know that applied to people who just cared for another person._ _

__“Well, thanks for your honesty, you’re so kind.” San said this, his face screwed up and bitter. He rested his head down on top of the steering wheel and Wooyoung tried not to watch the way San took deep quiet breaths to calm himself. He watched San do this quietly, thinking Wooyoung wasn’t watching him. San was in his own world for a moment and Wooyoung wanted nothing more than to reach out and just _touch_ him, hold his hand and brush his hair off his forhead and tell him everything was going to be okay. He wanted to be able to hold Choi San like a friend, but he didn’t really get the right to do that either. _ _

__Wooyoung knew he shouldn’t feel bad for doing the right thing, for letting San go when he didn’t love him anymore, and he knew it was the only option that would stop things before they got worse. It wasn’t like he woke up one day and thought “Oh, I don’t think I love him anymore.” It wasn’t like that one fucking bit._ _

__“San- _San._ ” San looked over at him from the steering wheel and his eyes were red and his nose was sniffling. _ _

__Wooyoung thought his heart broke for a third time, if he was being honest._ _

__“I am so sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to break up with you like this, I haven’t been dragging this out or anything, I just really needed to tell you before I let this get worse and out of hand. You don’t deserve to be treated like shit and unloved because I can’t seem to get...get this figured out.”_ _

__San rolled his eyes and he leaned back into his seat, running a lean arm through his hair and making it messier than it usually was. He watched as he exhaled and now grabbed his temples like Wooyoung did earlier._ _

__“It hurts to look at you.”_ _

__Wooyoung nodded, even though he knew San wasn’t even looking at him, nor was he probably even planning on it. Which made it easier on Wooyoung, he didn’t think he could bear to look at the way Choi San cried after being told that someone wasn’t in love with him- no, he didn’t think he could deal with that at all. Especially not with his 3am thoughts and regrets and all of the insecurities that were brought up with it._ _

___Couldn’t you have just stayed a little longer to make sure?_ _ _

___Couldn’t you just stay?_ _ _

__He thought it was pretty fucked up how devestating San looked when he cried, because he was someone that was so bright, beautiful, _glowing_ , and absolutely magnetic. Why out of everyone in this forsaken town, did Wooyoung have to fall in love with the boy who stared at him a little too long, and the Choi San who would always shyly offer him a pencil every day in their History class. _ _

__Wooyoung had always been forgetful but when it came to someone like his boyfriend, he never dared to let something like that slip from his memories. Perhaps that was why it was so hard to do this, something that everyone has to do at one point and it wasn’t anything new in the world. People dumped people all the time and they survived, didn’t they? It wasn’t something that was everlasting, and it wasn’t going to hurt forever- he just had to keep reminding himself of that. He had to hang on to the future for dear life and hope for the best, even if the makeshift butterfly wings had holes in them._ _

__San always saved a spot for Wooyoung during lunch because all of their friends were chaotic and would fight over seats, so San had reserved a special place by the window so Wooyoung could look out of it. Wooyoung remembers patting San’s thigh every day and saying, “Always the sweetest.”_ _

__They both tried to ignore the butterflies in their stomach and the lingering gazes of their friends who knew too much, but that was just the downside (upside) of a town like theirs. He tried not to dwell on it too much as it would only make things worse for the time being. He would have plenty of times to think about the memories of Choi San when he was alone. He would haunt him enough._ _

__Strangely enough, Wooyoung felt a weight off his shoulders. The weight of lying was off, but now he had the weight of what he did to him taking the place of what used to be, and the ghost of lying wasn’t too kind to those who were in the business of heart breaking._ _

__“It is how I feel though,” Wooyoung said, fiddling with the holes in the knees of his jeans. He bit his bottom lip and picked at the strings. Maybe if he plucked hard enough it would create a melody and while he had always been the maestro, maybe it was his turn to be part of the orchestra. He could create a symphony from heartbreak if he wanted._ _

__“That is why I am not fucking saying anything. It is how you feel and this is how I feel about you.”_ _

__“Silent?”_ _

__“At loss for words.” San replied, turning his head to look at him._ _

__They were silent as they looked at each other, the sounds of the rain and the crash of the waves were their company and their own personal orchestra playing the tune of wist and woe. If Wooyoung were to listen closely enough, he would be able to hear the whispers from those who had been at sea too._ _

__“Are you spacing out right now?”_ _

__Wooyoung shook his head, “No. I am thinking.”_ _

__“About what?” San’s words had a bit of bite to them and the tense atmosphere was still thick and ever so present._ _

__“I don’t know.” Wooyoung whispered._ _

__“You don’t know? Say something, Wooyoung, literally anything besides the silence you are leaving us in. I am trying to understand you and I want to know what is going on in your mind. I didn’t even see this coming and I feel so blind sided-”_ _

__“You didn’t see this coming? Not at all?”_ _

__San narrowed his eyes, “How was I supposed to see something that came out of nowhere? I defintely didn’t see it coming when I fucked you yesterday and I didn’t see it when you called us soulmates last week. I didn’t see it when you kissed me this morning, just like you always do.”_ _

__Wooyoung felt the tears coming out thicker than before and he shook his head-_ _

__“I didn’t mean it like that, San. I meant it as in did you think we were going to last forever?”_ _

__San became silent, and his stare gave Wooyoung chills._ _

__His voice was quiet, “I wasn’t stupid enough to to think it was going to last forever, I just never really thought about it. I didn’t think of the future for us, I didn’t think of our wedding or any shit like that, Wooyoung. I just thought about tackling the current day with you, is that really so bad?” San was crying again but his tears weren’t so silent and they were just fast and angry, and his fists were bunched up as they rubbed the rain that fell from his face away. Wooyoung watched another ballerina twirl her way down his neck and into his shirt._ _

__“Can you speak?”_ _

__“Yeah-” Wooyoung coughed, meeting San’s eyes in the dim light, “-yeah. Sorry. I just- I am thinking.”_ _

__San made an exasperated sound and he let out a bitter laugh, “You’re thinking?”_ _

__“Believe it or not San, this isn’t easy for me either? Why doesn’t anyone think about the fact that I have to break my best friend’s heart, someone who was once my soulmate? Huh? Doesn’t anyone think for a second that I don’t want to do this, that I want to keep lying just to keep you in my life because I am selfish and because I want to keep waking up with you? This isn’t something that is easy, something that I _enjoy_ because it fucking _hurts_. I know I sound like I am making this all about me but also think that I don’t want to do this either, I am losing someone forever. But I am grown enough to know that I need to cut it off now, I am grown enough to know how fucking evil it would be to keep you as my boyfriend when I don’t love you anymore.” _ _

__San scoffed, his lips twisting into a small smile, “So you don’t love me anymore?”_ _

__“No.”_ _

__“You don’t want to be my boyfriend anymore?”_ _

__“No.”_ _

__San nodded, “Fine.”_ _

__“San-” Wooyoung had reached his hand out- but stopped himself mid-air. He kept it there as he slowly pulled back, but San’s own hand reached out and grasped it. His touch was gentle and warm around Wooyoung’s hand and that made Wooyoung want to cry even harder. His throat was thick and he bit his bottom lip to stop the sobs that were threatening to break out any second. San was calm now, but his own dancers were dropping down the apples of his cheeks and he silently held Wooyoung’s hand._ _

__He wasn’t sure what to do with the silence and San’s hand in his- but he took it with grace and he let the comfort try to set in for a moment, wondering if San would leave a piece of his heart in the parking lot too. Wondering if a pulsing hunk of his heart would be resting beside it, bloody and rolling around with agony._ _

__San was the first to speak in their silence, his hand strong and home-like as it cradled Wooyoung’s fingers in his. “Can- can we not work this out? I shouldn’t have gotten angry so fast and I am rea-”_ _

__Wooyoung cut him off before he could apologize, “-Please don’t apologize for being upset that someone dumped you. You didn’t call me names, you weren’t mean, you literally didn’t do anything wrong, San. Don’t even _begin_ to blame yourself, okay, Sannie? This is something that has to do with me, not you. I know you don’t want to hear that cliché shit phrase, but it is true. I think you are great, smart, beautiful, kind-” San was sniffling and gripping Wooyoung’s hand tighter, “-and someone that I loved having in my life for 21 years. I don’t regret it, I am so incredibly thankful for somebody who helped shape me into a person that I am today. I loved our adventures, our kissing, our moments that seemed infinite, and I especially loved you.” _ _

__They were both messes as they cried, but Wooyoung had felt lighter than ever in such a long time, and he continued to talk, finally saying what he had wanted to for a month now._ _

__“We grew up together and we were always the two in the group that understood each other the most, the two that knew each other so well. We were meant to be in that time, in those moments, because I would rather die then grow up alone like some kids did around here. Out of all the people in the universe, the sea gifted us with each other and we got to be alive at the same time, Choi San.”_ _

__San laughed, wiping his tears and nose on his sleeve, “I hate that it makes me love you even more when you talk to me like that, when you tell me how you feel. It is so rare for you to actually tell me what the fuck is going on in your mind and I hate that I fucking love you when you are telling me that you don’t love me anymore. It’s like some stupid lifetime movie that your mom watches during the holidays.”_ _

__Wooyoung wondered if he could watch these lifetime movies with his mom anymore without thinking of San’s words now._ _

__“You deserve the truth. You deserved an explanation.”_ _

__“Do you actually give them the true reason why, because they deserve the truth- or do you lie because they deserve to _not_ hear the truth?” San said, almost quoting the exact thought Wooyoung had earlier. _ _

__They truly were on the same wave length, experiencing the same illusions._ _

__San pulled his hand away from Wooyoung’s, and they sat for a moment, both at a loss for words._ _

__“I think everyone deserves the truth, not a truth untold.”_ _

__

__

__It did get easier, and Choi San didn’t magically wash away with the incoming tide, and he didn’t linger on his tongue anymore._ _

__Wooyoung could still ride his board on the waves, even if his balanced sucked, and he could still wake up in the mornings, despite his first beliefs. He didn’t want to lie and say it was easy to mend a broken heart, but he didn’t want to necessary admit that he had something to be working on in the first place. A part of him knew that it was a first love, a temporary red string that was clipped sooner than thought, and the time for something new._ _

__Not that San could really be replaced, necessarily._ _

__He wasn’t looking for a replacement, because nobody can replace a soulmate that was once there, the only thing that could ever come close is the next soulmate that is due during their time in your life. Wooyoung knew he wasn’t sure if that person was ever going to come, and he wasn’t sure if Choi San would ever be his soulmate _again_ in a different time. Maybe, they would be tied back together with a smile and a boy scouts knot by the hands of fate and they would start new. _ _

__He didn’t try to dwell on that, he just tried to focus on himself and work on being with his friends while going through the motions of college. Wooyoung owed it to himself._ _

__He was healing too._ _

**Author's Note:**

> I dumped somebody once.
> 
> A big thanks to C.A.W, as always, for listening to me scream about ideas. Thank you to Beezy for listening to my two minute voice message about heartbreak, Taylor Swift, and the other side of the story at 1am- you never fail to amaze me with your music advice and input. I love all of you.
> 
> Don’t forget to leave Kudos if you enjoyed <3


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